Countdown: Nine…

A week ago I finished the first edit of my novel and slotted it into Musa Publishing‘s internal document wrangling device. Then, exhausted and perspiring, I collapsed into a corner like a punch-drunk prize-fighter to desperately recover some energy in the brief respite before the second round.

Of course, I exaggerate. Editing actually proved a largely painless process, and I had no doubts that the manuscript was better as a result. The job was still unfinished–the questions I asked needed answering before I could continue, and any changes I had made needed to be vetted before they could be accepted–but all things considered the situation seemed rosy. The Glass Sealing was in good shape, and in a fit of unexpected motivation I even managed to carry my work ethic over into other projects.

Everything was going so well.

And then came…

Rampant Imperialism.

My editor broke the news: the powers that be had decided that, rather than fostering an atmosphere of transatlantic equality amongst their authors, the Darkside Codex was to use (I can hardly bring myself to type the words) American English Only.

Naturally, I lodged a vigorously worded letter of protest on the spot. I was cursorily informed that Musa Publishing proclaimed the incomprehensible right to defend the use of American English even outside the borders of AmericaI barely had time to reel from this shocking act of international injustice before I received the document with the editor’s second edits.

Never before have I seen so many Z’s. Never before has a chaise longue been a chaise lounge. Never before has the word “colour” looked so drab. Even with a wiggly red line beneath it.

No hyphen in my no-one.

Really, I don’t know if I can continue. I never thought I’d say it, but I may have to go back into English Teaching… British English.